It's great that the Dodgers won today. But there are other things on my mind.

Yep. I'm really happy about their win. Even though I know they are most likely not going to make it to the postseason, but that's okay. It's not like I'm going to stop watching the Dodgers play because their season is over. I'm much more of a fan than that.

But that's not what this post is mainly about. If you want to skip the next part, feel free. Because it's just going to be me whining and stuff...

Something happened to me today that really, really just made me want to give up. I just...I don't know what to do about it. It's like, why me? Why did it have to be me. I just know not to trust anyone with anything anymore. I really really hate myself right now. I just want to forget about it. But it's burned into my memory. It could have just effected me a lot more since it's after 3am and I'm just tired. I wish I could sleep it off and be happy the next morning. But damn. I got really torn apart just now and...I can't even explain the way it feels in proper words.

I'm not going to sit here and bore you with what happened. A typical sob story and blah blah blah. But I just really needed to get it out somewhere. So yeah. Here comes depression I guess. I'll get over it eventually I hope.

Dodgers lose it in the 9th. Again.

Because, James Loney, our bullpen is terrible.

DODGERS WON?

What. How is this possible? Did this really happen? Or am I just dreaming? If I am dreaming, I hope I dream of this forever. I know it's just one win and the Padres lost today and there's no reason to be overly excited about it, but, you know, it doesn't feel too bad for once and I can actually smile today.

I honestly can't say much about the game since I only got to watch a little bit of it. Maybe from now on I should only watch bits and pieces if they are winning. Maybe me watching the games are bad luck or something. Hahaha...I hope not. Because it's hard for me to not watch the games even when they are struggling really badly.

Oh, I know what I can talk about. Pitching. Ted Lilly. He is 3-0 with the Dodgers. I am really starting to like this guy. He is awesome. I heard a few pitchers came up after him so I'm not all too sure how that all went, but with Kuo as the closer I am happy once again. Broxton needs a freaking rest. A long, long, long, long, long, long, long rest. His pitches are too slow. Is something wrong with his arm? What happened to his 100 mph fastball anyway?

Either way, Broxton can't screw over games for us anymore. Well, at least, for now. I wish Joe Torre would have woken up and done this sooner though. It could have cost us a lot less games.

Well, that is all for that. I will now share a personal story about what happened today because it's still kind of bothering me and I don't know. It might just be venting so forgive me in advance if I sound unintelligent or like I'm not making sense or something.

So I was going to go to a minor league game today to see the Jethawks (Astros affiliates) vs the 66ers (Dodgers affiliates) because Clear Channel Stadium is really close to where I live and I figured it would be cool to see some affiliates of the Dodgers play. I had gone there to see the Jethawks play um...Rawhide or something (D-backs affiliates) and it was really empty. So, since I just felt like going and seeing a game today, I figured I could just go and get a seat no problem without having to buy my ticket in advance.

Oh, boy, was I wrong.

The line of cars was so long and the line of people at the ticket booth went across the parking lot. I think Clear Channel Stadium was packed out tonight. Anyway, when I saw all that I just turned around and said forget it. I guess since Dodgers affiliates were playing they got a wayyy bigger crowd than to see the dinky D-backs affiliates play. Or maybe there was a promotional thing going on. Who knows? The point is that I didn't get to go to my freaking Single-A game today and I am quite unhappy about it still. But this wasn't the worst part.

I decided to go out to dinner with my family since I couldn't go see the game and so we were sitting there and my dad and I are talking baseball as usual. I mean, sports are probably the only interest that my dad and I share. Well, my sister comes out and says, "Don't you guys ever talk about anything other than baseball? There's a lot more to life you know." And...I don't know. That seriously sent me into a silent rage. I just stopped talking altogether. I couldn't open my mouth otherwise I would have just blurted out something nasty and rude and unlike my sister, I am considerate of others.

Maybe it seems petty of me, but I just couldn't believe she said that. My dad and I rarely talk. The only time we ever do talk or get along is when the game is on. And she basically just shit all over it. I mean, I can't help it that I don't give a crap about what she's talking about that I have to start up a conversation with my dad that I can actually relate to. She was talking about...I don't even know. Sea World or something or about her husband like every other dumb lovestruck girl. Basically, stuff I don't care about, you know?

Oh well. I just needed to vent about that. I feel a little better and from now on I'm just going to sit there and talk about baseball whenever she is around. I don't even care.

What REALLY made Broxton suck.

Young Phillies fan hexes Broxton

Okay, you have to admit...that kid is a little bit funny.

Broxton sucking, not so much.

DILEMMA LOLZ

So there is this thing on MLB.com where you can pick from a gajillion different photos of different baseball players and get it printed as a POSTER. Awesome stuff.

Well, I am having trouble choosing between two players now because well...I am just that indecisive. And in the end I will probably just end up not getting anything. But you never know.
Anyway, I originally started out with like twelve different players I wanted on my wall, but eventually narrowed it down to two.

• Andre Ethier
• Russell Martin

Why one of these dudes? Well, I will tell you. Andre has always been one of my favorite players and last year he exceeded my expectations. Wish I could say the same for this year but um...well, that's a different story. However, if things go wrong in the Frank McCourt divorce case, not only Andre, but a bunch of great players might end up on free agency. :/


As for Russell, ever since he joined the Dodgers, he was one of my favorites as well. He, unfortunately, was just injured about a week and a half ago. Ended his season. If the rumors are true and this ends up being his last season with L.A., then I want something to remember him by. I want to remember his good years when he first came up from the minors and blew us all away.

Before I start reminiscing too much about the past (again), I'll get on with it. This is a tough choice. Perhaps I will buy a poster of one and an 8x10 of the other? It's just so expensive so...yeah. SIGH. Well, we'll see if I ever make up my mind, but I would kill to have one of these.

I'm gonna dwell on the past for a while.

2009 was a good year for the Dodgers. Everything seemed to be going great. They had amazing players who could hit really well, outstanding pitching which actually included their bullpen, and everything seemed a-okay. Los Angeles eventually made it to the postseason, sweeping the Cardinals. Remember how they came from behind to win one of the games as well? Everything seemed dandy. And then we went up against the Phillies, the same guys who beat us in the 2008 postseason and lost.

You know, despite not advancing beyond that point, there was still quite a sense of accomplishment there. Was there not? Being NL West Champs two years in a row was great. Making it to the World Series and winning it would have been much better, but I'm not complaining. The Dodgers proved that they were a team that could fight and work hard and win. They came at it all with heart and dedication, and in the end, that gave me, as a fan, a bit of satisfaction. Even though they didn't make it to the World Series, I still felt confident that my team had what it took to get far. They would only need to reach a bit further next time.

And at the beginning of this 2010 season, things seemed to be going...well, alright. Dodgers weren't playing as well as the last year and I think it was ultimately because of pitching. Offense was wonderful though. I mean, Andre Ethier with two walk-off grand slams? How often do you see that? Then Andre got hurt, and Manny got hurt, and Raffy was still out, and everyone was getting injured almost to the point where we were as bad as the Red Sox who had nearly all their starters on the DL and the bench. And then when those hurt players came back from the disabled list they struggled. A lot. Ethier was barely hitting. Kemp suddenly seemed to begin to bail on every pitch to him, resulting in multiple strikeouts. Virtually all of our big, ace hitters weren't doing well.

If it wasn't one thing, it was the other. If it wasn't starting pitching, it was offense. If it wasn't offense, it was starting pitching. If it wasn't offense or starting pitching, it was the bull pen. And this continues. And continues and continues and continues. Why? Because we apparently don't know how to learn from our mistakes. Maybe it's a human thing. Or maybe it's just a Joe Torre thing. Who really knows anymore?

All I know is that, this season seems to pretty much be over for L.A. It's...honestly quite devastating seeing players that were doing so well last year and the year before suddenly struggle so bad and for so long.

Well. This year just doesn't seem to be our year. Oh well. Maybe next year. I just hope to see the Dodgers win a World Series in my lifetime. That's my dream.

So much rage!

 (Photo courtesy of ennailuj on Flickr)

It's tough enough to have to watch the Dodgers struggling this season. The fact that I have to sit here and watch the team destroy themselves as well as Torre's managing skills tearing them down, really really frustrates me. During the whole beginning of the final game of the series against the Phillies, I was happy. I was cheering so loudly and smiling and jumping up and down for my team because Kershaw was doing a phenomenal job and offense was stellar tonight. We had a 9-2 lead in the top of the eighth inning. Then, the bottom of the eighth is where the heartbreak began.

The Dodgers bull pen came out and proved that even a seven-run lead means nothing (besides Hong-Chih Kuo and even George Sherrill). Joe Torre let them fall too. He let Belisario pitch and let guys get on base and score runs, and yet he still let him pitch. What kind of managing is that? It's becoming clearer and clearer to me that Joe Torre honestly couldn't care less about this team and it's fate. Maybe he wants to drag them down.

Broxton shouldn't be let out anywhere near the Phillies. Ever. He couldn't even get an out. He kept pitching and pitching until it was over. Until the Phillies scored enough runs to win 10-9. And Joe Torre just let him. What kind of manager does that? What kind of manager let's a pitcher embarrass himself out there like that? What kind of manager let's his entire team become embarrassed to be on the same team as their closer? A terrible one.

I really want to write to the Dodgers organization and express my concern. Torre can't seem to figure out what the hell he's doing. I doubt he'd listen to a faceless fan through a letter, but the guy needs to wake up and smell the coffee. If I were manager of the team, anytime I even dared to put Broxton in, I would have someone up in the bullpen the moment he touches that mound. Let's up a few hits without any outs, then I'd get someone else in there. Not just sit there like a deer in the headlights and let whatever happens to happen.

It was like a freaking repeat of watching them play the Yankees. I can't even believe it. It feels like I'm stuck in a loop. We're watching this team just repeat history. They're making the same mistakes over and over and I'm just wondering...IS THERE ANYONE IN THE DAMN ORGANIZATION THAT CARES AS MUCH AS I DO?

Somehow I doubt it. It's sad that this deserving team's fate is placed in the hands of the grimy paws of desperate money-milkers. Screw you, Frank McCourt. Screw you, Joe Torre. Why don't you quit being selfish and hand off the Dodgers to someone who can actually do something for the team other than drag them down?

P.S. Happy Friday the 13th. Knowing the Dodgers, this supposedly unlucky holiday will actually give us luck.

TORRE.

THIS IS NOT AN INTELLIGENT POST. THIS IS A RANT. DON'T EXPECT MERCY.

TORRE. YOU ARE A BITCH BANANA. I HATE YOU. HOW DO YOU LET BELISARIO STAY IN THAT LONG AFTER GIVING UP SO MANY HITS AND RUNS. THEN BROXTON. DID YOU JUST LEAVE HIM IN SO THE PHILLIES COULD CATCH UP AND END THE GAME? I THINK YOU DID. YOU OBVIOUSLY WANTED US TO LOSE. IF I EVER PUT IN BROXTON I WOULD HAVE SOMEONE UP IN THE BULL PEN ALREADY. BUT NO. YOU JUST. YOU LET HIM PITCH. AND LOSE. NO OUTS. IN THE BOTTOM OF THE NINTH. WHAT EVEN TORRE. I HATE YOU SO MUCH. I HOPE YOU GET FIRED. I DON’T WANT YOU TO QUIT. I WANT YOU TO GET FIRED. GO AWAY. YOUR MANAGEMENT SUCKS. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING. STOP FLUSHING MY DODGERS DOWN THE TOILET.


UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE.

SO MUCH RAGE.

Kemp is looking disheartened.

(Photo courtesy of reddawg31 on Flickr)

And wouldn't you too if your coach sat you down two days in a row? Today the Dodgers didn't even do anything right offensively. Kemp could have done what the other guys did so why was he out for the second time in a row again? WHO KNOWS?

I know people are going to tell me that Torre wanted to keep in the hot hitters, but a couple of those guys are hitting just about as well as Kemp is. I just. I feel bad for Matt, because does Torre think that sitting him down for two consecutive games is gonna give him anymore confidence? If anything, it's just going to make him feel like a huge pile of crap.

I was reading the article on the Dodgers' official site and according to Torre, when Matt was told he was going to sit out of the game for the second time in a row, "He shrugged his shoulders and said, 'OK.'"

Um. Not OK. Does it sound like he was "OK" with that? No. It doesn't. So, don't get me wrong, though. I'll be the first to admit that Kemp hasn't been hitting well recently, but that shouldn't cause a second benching. What about Casey Blake? He hasn't been hitting all that great either but you don't see him sitting down for two games in a row. Matt has put so much effort into playing for this team and the way he swiftly moves about the outfield is great. I don't think he should be punished for struggling, that's all. If he's going to get better, don't we need him out there playing?

I just find the way that this team has been managed lately, completely and utterly horrid. I still stand by my word, saying that Joe Torre doesn't give a rat's bum about the team. He always seems so disinterested and I just...I don't know. It's becoming really tough to have to sit back and watch the Dodgers go downhill. Not just because of Torre, but because of so many other things. I want to keep believing. I really, really do. But I just don't know. If we can't beat out pitchers like Roy Oswalt, what makes anyone think we'll make it to postseason, let alone the World Series?

It's depressing but, I'm still going to keep watching and supporting and cheering them on. What kind of fan would I be if I didn't?

And we were swept off of our feets.

(Picture Courtesy of cooper.smith on Flickr)

The Dodgers beat the Phillies today in a 15-9 victory. Who were those guys in Dodger uniforms I saw tonight? Were those champions I saw? Well, I won't get too ahead of myself here, but tonight's game was incredibly exciting. The Dodgers offense was out of this world. The way they performed tonight is the way that they really need to perform in the remaining games because these kind of victories are the ones we need.

Jay Gibbons had his first MLB home run tonight in nearly three years. Andre Ethier, a.k.a. Captain Clutch; Dr. Dre, had a great night. He went 4 for 4 with a walk and was hit by a pitch (and luckily not hurt by it). Kemp came off the bench as a pinch hitter and got a hit. Loney and Blake also chipped in with the RBI's, Casey Blake with a two-run homer. Podsednik and Theriot got themselves on base a few times and George Sherrill had his first ever Major League at bat in the seven years he's been playing. He was walked.

What an incredible game to watch and it resulted in a big win. It's hard to believe that this is the team we were swept by in the postseason of 2009.

In other news, Rafael Furcal has now landed on the disabled list because of his recurring problems with his back. He didn't want to be there and fought it, but in the end, it is probably best for him.

So who is coming up? We know it's not Chin Lung Hu. And according to a few sources, it was said that Juan Castro was pulled from a game with the Isotopes after one at-bat. It is likely he will be coming up to backup Carroll, or perhaps play in the actual spot. Carroll has been doing a great job at SS, but I think it's best that we're bringing up Castro so that we have Carroll available to play another position just in case, you know?

Anyway, this win has made me happy. Like a little school girl.

But what was with that fight in Cincinnati? Epic. Slightly hilarious. Human. A link is needed, no? Here: [link]

Enjoy.

Dodgers, are you finally getting me through this heartbreak?

Today the Dodgers performed incredibly well. The best I've seen from them this season, in fact. This is the way Champions should play. If only we had started off playing like this at the beginning then we might not have been in this position. I am just hoping that this was an improvement in offense, and not just taking advantage of bad pitching. Either way, Dodgers beat the Nationals 8-3 today, and that just makes me a little bit happier.

We let go of veteran Garret Anderson.

The only thing I wonder is why we waited this long.

"Garret Anderson had the second-lowest batting average of any player with 100 at-bats or more this season, .181, and the Dodgers on Sunday decided it was time to part ways. The 38-year-old pinch-hitter and outfielder was designated for assignment, perhaps the end of a 17-year Major League career. Anderson hit two home runs and had 12 RBIs in 155 at-bats and 80 games..." (Official Site of the Los Angeles Dodgers)

Anderson had a good career. Just not with the Dodgers, and it was about time to go separate ways.

With that said, the Dodgers were able to buy the contract of Jay Gibbons and brought him up from Triple-A Albuquerque. He had his first major league at bat today since 2007 as a pinch hitter, and smacked an RBI single up the middle. I have high hopes for Gibbons.

Reed Johnson came in as a pinch hitter as well and amazingly hit a two-run single up the middle.

Jamey Carroll, in at SS for Rafael Furcal who is on day-to-day with back strain, went 3 for 3 today. Man, was he on fire or what? Carroll is such an incredible utility player. No matter what position he plays, he always seems to do well. I guess that's why he's a utility player.

And THIS GUY. A.J. Ellis! Where did that double come from?! So glad he hit that today. More than you know, really. I want so much for him to do well because with Ausmus apparently taking over as our dominant catcher, then we'll definitely need a backup for the old man.

In other news:

What was Ethier doing today? Well, I can tell you what he wasn't doing. Extending his hitting streak. This makes me pretty upset for him but, you know, no one is perfect. It just would have been nice to see the player whose jersey I constantly sport do well in such a great game. Oh well.

Matt Kemp. The "King of Swing" struck out in all four of his at bats. Yeah, "King of Swing" alright. Swing and miss, that is. He makes me sigh in frustration every day of my life. But the Dodgers are demanding the fans be patient with the slumping center-fielder, so that's what I'm doing. I just wish he would quit pulling his swing all the time. I'm not going to boo him like the jerks at Dodger Stadium. He's still a Dodger. I just want him to do better.

And I miss you. Stop hurting yourself, please.

Also.

JAMES LONEY WHAT WHAT.

Everyone's Skypin' now-a-days

So I "Skyped" for the first time ever with my friend Lilli/Lanaia from Canada last night. It can get a tiny bit awkward when your conversation goes to nothingness for a while, but we managed to stay on Skype for nearly eight hours. No sleep. Glorious. But it was fun. I met Lilli back in November of last year and ever since then we've become like real life friends. I can talk to her, laugh with her, confide in her, and not have to worry about her judging me for any of it. And honestly, who is she going to tell about my secrets?

Online friends are honestly a blessing a lot of times, save for the creepy predators, because strangely enough they can be ten times easier to connect with. You can tell them a secret, knowing that someone else around you won't know about it. You can ask them for advice, and know they won't judge you for your situation. Best of all, when you need to get away from everyday life, they're fun to talk to and laugh with.

I, sometimes, find it easier to be friends with people I know online, rather than in real life. Perhaps it's because I'm not constantly caught up in their personal lives and situations. Sure, I have online friends that will tell me of their situations, but it's not the same as being around it. It's sometimes better to talk to online friends, especially the ones who can cheer you up pretty easily, because most of the time they aren't sick and tired of talking to you or seeing you. Real life friends can get tired of you and not want to be around you and avoid hanging out with you, which can sometimes end in a big blowout. Trust me, I know.

There is something about having online friends that I just love. Lilli really accepts me. Even when I talk too much about baseball or American stuff, she still likes me for me. Same with my friend Risa. Plus I can be a total nerd with them and they won't care because they are total nerds back. A lot of times, there are the online friends that stick around for a long time, and the online friends that don't. But the ones that do sit there and tolerate you because for some reason they actually enjoy talking to your weird self, are definitely friends to keep.

Love you Lilli. Love you Risa. You two are always and forever going to be a couple of the best friends I've ever had.

Lack of support, Lack of interest, Lack of hope

First, I would like to present this article from the Official Website of the Los Angeles Dodgers. Sarah's Take: Martin's given his all

This is an important article to me because it expresses just exactly how I feel about this situation. I could never explain how much seeing Russell Martin in this situation saddens me. Maybe you'll understand after reading that article.

What also saddens me is everyone's sudden lack of support. I know with an eight game deficit out of the division lead and a seven game deficit out of the wild card spot, that it is hard to keep on cheering on. It's hard to keep on believing, but you know what the fact of the matter is? It's not over yet. Sure, the Dodgers have struggled much more than they should have this year, but you have to consider that they have been going through a lot. The Frank McCourt divorce being one of the main sources of stress is there. With this, there is so much risk. Players like Matt Kemp, Andre Ethier, and James Loney could be headed to Free Agency because of this stupidity. There is just so much going on with the Frank McCourt divorce that involves the Dodgers and their "worth." We can only hope that with all of this, maybe, just maybe, we'll pick up a new owner. A better owner. One that won't put us in the hole like this again.

Then there is Joe Torre. What is he doing? Where is he going with all of this? We all know that this is most likely going to be his last year with the Dodgers, and honestly, I couldn't give a crap. I don't think he's done all that great of a job with the Dodgers. But that's just my opinion, and possibly the opinion of a ton of other people I've talked to. First of all, this team is not the Yankees. Not even close. The offense isn't the same so you can't treat it the same. That goes for pitching too. Every team is different and Torre doesn't seem to get it. Either that, or he just doesn't care. And Ed Yassa of the L.A. Times explains just exactly why this could all be effecting the team:

"Judging by the look of complete lack of interest on his face and his total disconnect from the team, Joe Torre has already given the Dodgers the answer about his future. He has checked out and the team has sensed it, there is no fire in the dugout and the players look defeated. Torre lost his passion in New York and a three-year vacation in Los Angeles has not helped."

There is nothing in Torre anymore. He's lost the ability to care so why should the Dodgers have to care?

As a fan of the Dodgers, watching this - watching the team destroy themselves - time after time, whether it be offense or pitching, is entirely frustrating. It seems that the fans care ten times more about the team these days than the coaches or the owner, and how are we suppose to improve anything if this is the case? Just cheering on the Dodgers isn't going to make much of an effect. We, unfortunately, need more than that. I feel like the team just has no motivation and feels no reason to try and do well. Honestly, how do we make the play-offs last year, and this year we're in fourth place, eight games behind?

It's become painful to watch the games. To watch the looks on the players' faces. To watch them play baseball as if they have never played it before. It seems that what was once a competition in the game of baseball, has become nothing more than trying to get through the last fifty or so games.

I could go on, hoping that things will get better this season. I could say, "well, maybe we'll have a better season next year." But it's so hard to do this when we don't know what's in store for us. Losing Martin, Frank McCourt, Free Agency of some of our best players, and Joe Torre seem to be the main factors in what will effect the Dodgers organization and team next year. I am hoping for the best but it's not getting any easier.

Oh, Russ. What have you gotten yourself into this time?

I was debating putting this on my Dodgers blog but since it is a bit more...personal, I suppose, I decided to put it here.

This is the point where I reach sadness. Russell Martin, this used-to-be All-Star was one of the most loved players of the Dodgers and I might dare to say in the whole MLB. Well, it’s not hard to see how he’s changed over the years: basking too much in the Hollywood light - enough to become a crispy carrot orange. But you know, us fans of Russell thought that maybe he’d bounce back. Maybe he’d start being like the guy who once stole our hearts with his grace behind the plate, smart swings, and an unconditional love for the people who meant most to him in life - his mother and father. We thought that he was the foundation and future of the Dodgers just a few years ago, and now it’s likely that this career which had started off so bright and so full of promise could end with such a painful blow.

On Tuesday, August 3, 2010, Russell Martin suffered a season-ending injury to the labrum in his right hip. But who knew that just beyond this, might be the end of the Russell Martin Dodger Era? He had begun to go downhill in 2008 but even with that fact, he was still one of the best catchers in baseball, which brought enough confidence to the organization to trade their top catching prospect, Carlos Santana, to the Cleveland Indians, which brought the Dodgers 3rd baseman Casey Blake. Seems like that was one of the Dodgers’ biggest mistakes, but maybe back then, they didn’t think so because teammates, coaches, and fans alike all wanted to believe in Russell.

It’s safe to say that Russell Martin isn’t the player he used to be. His most recent seasons have come to be his worst, and it seems to be going downhill from there.

It is truly sad to have to see him go down like this because all-in-all, everyone wanted the best for him. Even now, I still want to believe in him. I want him to do better. I have been rooting for him all year long, but this season, he had only five homers and 26 RBIs in 97 games at the time of Tuesday’s injury. That’s pretty terrible and can definitely be what causes the Dodgers Organization to reach the breaking point and finally deem keeping the catcher around a lost cause. According to the L.A. Times, “With Martin expected to make at least $6 million next season in arbitration, the Dodgers could reasonably decide that he is no longer worth the investment, and the departure could be permanent.”

Russell Martin has gone down as one of the most used catchers in baseball in the past four years. Even when there was bad pitching and when back-up catcher, veteran Brad Ausmus, came in, he refused to stop playing. This includes Tuesday night, the night of his season-ending injury, when he stayed in to catch for five more innings until Hong-Chih Kuo was set to take place on the mound where Martin would leave the game confessing, “I can’t move enough to block his slider.”

“If that was Russell Martin’s last act as a Dodger, it was a noble and fitting one. He played until it hurt, hobbled away quietly, and played no more.” (L.A. Times) And I couldn’t have said it better myself.

It is quite painful, not only for Martin and the team, but for those of us who have only wanted for Russell to do well. It still feels like just yesterday when Russell Martin became that All-Star - that amazing ball player and person - that I grew to admire. For it to end so abruptly, and on a bad note, is so heartbreaking.

“‘I’m still part of this team, man,” he said, as if to remind us he was still Russell Martin. But then he sighed, paused, and his pained words confirmed that he’s no longer that Russell Martin. ‘I don’t know,” he said. ‘It’s going to be tough, man.’ Tough as in, this may finally be one plate that the Dodgers’ endearing catcher cannot block. Martin’s body may have betrayed him for the last time in blue…” (L.A. Times)

Just A Small Town Girl

You always hear the stories of those average girls growing up and becoming everything they ever wanted to be. They find the perfect man who is sensitive and caring and become famous and make tons of money. Their lives that were once so treacherous become beautiful like a shining star glowing in the night sky.

Yeah. This isn't one of those stories.

My name is Britney and I am a nineteen-year-old nobody with impossible dreams and a will to bite the hand that feeds me. So where does that leave us? My life isn't all that interesting. What could I ever sit here and blog about that might attract anyone? Whoever knows the answer to this question can feel free to answer it for me, because you never know what is going to be hit or miss. And ninety percent of the time, it's a miss. But I'm not here to be the least optimistic person out there. In fact, I find myself to be a very happy and positive human being, even if I do have a weird streak. Can't say it's a bad thing though.

I suppose the thing to do when you're not that fairytale princess with a life that meets all of your expectations is at least try to have a personality. Who even knows where it might get you one day? I'm not your typical girl. I'm not the girl who will spend hours upon hours fixing her hair, or who would kill to get those shoes during that big sale. I, frankly, hate painting my nails and prefer to wear jeans and a t-shirt no matter where I'm going. Comfortable and casual is me. Being artistic is me. Living a passive-aggressive life of an extrovert is me.

I've had people in my life tell me that they didn't approve of me. That they hated me. That I was boring. That I was too sarcastic. That I was too open. Too outspoken. Too belligerent. Too persistant. Too tomboy-ish. Too loud. Too quiet. Too tall. Too short. Too skinny. Too awkward. Too dark. Too happy. Too obvious. Too distant.

If you can think of an adjective, I have been named it.

And you know something? They're all absolutely right. I am just. Too much. And of course, too proud of this.